June 20, 2006

Today is Tuesday

Posted in Family, Nyssa, Robyn at 3:35 pm by skijumper

Nyssa is 13 months and 3 days old.
Nyssa can now eat a mandarin in 30 seconds.
She can climb a chair to reach the kitchen counter.
She can put her dummy in all by herself.
Believe it or not she can even hold a tissue to her nose and blow.
Not to mention her musicality on the tin whistle.
If I left her to her own devices she would happily climb into the bath fully clothed.
However, she still cries uncontrollably in the middle of the night if I don’t give her a breastfeed.

How does this mix of growing Independence and utter dependence make me feel?

I guess I feel sad, happy, excited, heavy, tired, efficient, and unworthy all in one go.
Why does God deem me able to look after not only Nyssa but Eden as well?
Each day I feel as though I scar them a little more yet I love them so tenderly.
My best will never be good enough, and my worst is truly shameful.
I hunger for inner peace, self-control and above all JOY.

I long for Heaven where I can rest in the Peace of God that I so rarely glimpse here in my world.

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